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Posted on: December 17th, 2014

Social Anxiety, Stress & Depression during the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year”

By Dr. Russ Morfitt


Keep Calm and Merry On!

It’s officially here, the proverbial “most wonderful time of the year.” But for some, especially those living with social anxiety, this time of year may be anything but wonderful. Work parties, family gatherings, holiday travel, it can all get stressful in a hurry for a social anxiety sufferer. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective approaches to dealing with stress in our lives. It provides several different techniques to help people, including those social anxiety, depression, or excessive stress, anxiety, or worry. One of the key components of CBT is identifying problems that may exist within our thoughts, those thoughts that are so ingrained in us that we don’t really notice them anymore. The idea is that if we are able to identify flaws in our thoughts, we can change them. We at Learn to Live have a name for those problems– ANTS, for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Below is a list of some of the ANTS a person may detect:


All or Nothing Thinking – “I tried avoid cookies and ended up eating one. See, I have no self-control. I’ll have to give up on my diet now.” These thoughts don’t allow room for mistakes or flexibility.


Should Statements – “I lost my patience with my kids at the Christmas program. I should always be able to control my emotions. What’s wrong with me?” These statements usually involve unrealistic expectations and don’t allow for flexibility.


Mind Reading – “My aunt didn’t smile much during our conversation at dinner. She probably thinks I’m boring and stupid.” Mind reading thoughts make assumptions about another’s feelings or thoughts without any real evidence to support it.


See also: Overcoming Social Anxiety was HARD, but it changed my life…


Disaster Making – “I’m probably going to fail the final test, and if I fail the test, I won’t have any chance of getting into college. I won’t be able to handle it.” These thoughts assume the worst-case scenario in all situations. The imagined outcome is out of proportion and I believe it will be beyond my ability to cope.


Personalizing - ”If only I had been at the nursing home, mom never would have fallen. Now she has a broken hip and can’t join us for the holidays…and it’s all my fault.” These thoughts take the blame for all bad outcomes, denying responsibility to anyone else.


You’ve probably all heard the familiar clichés, “Knowledge is power,” and “Knowing is half the battle.” In this case, they are both true – being able to identify these thinking patterns as automatic and unhelpful is the first step in being able to change your thoughts and ultimately your life. After identifying these thinking problems, I’ll tell you about some more ANTS and then move on fear facing. Stop back soon to check out our upcoming posts on these topics.


“The world as we have created is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”  ~ Albert Einstein


Although Thanksgiving has passed, the tips in our recent post, Take Social Anxiety Off Your Thanksgiving Menu will still apply for your upcoming holiday gatherings.




Posted on: November 24th, 2014

Take Social Anxiety Off Your Thanksgiving Menu

By Dr. Russ Morfitt

 Scared Turkey with Social Anxiety

Halloween has passed and the holiday season is in full swing. This week, thoughts turn to turkey, pumpkin pie, gratitude, football and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. For some, Thanksgiving is a welcome day of food, family, and relaxation. For people living with social anxiety, it may be anything but relaxing. Instead of dreaming about food and the game, they may be concerned about making it through the day because of all the possible social anxiety triggers:


  • Travel – Thanksgiving crowds at the airport or on a bus, train or subway are larger than usual. The possibility for social interactions (making eye contact, talking to the person next to you) increases.
  • Preparation – Holiday preparation can be stressful for anyone. Throw in the added anxiety about going to the store or having a group of people in your home, and the stress level increases.
  • Eating with others – Many people think of dining with others as a fun, social event. For someone with social anxiety, it may be seen as more of a hurdle or something to suffer through. The expectation of dinner table discussion and the simple act of others watching you eat may cause the social anxiety sufferer to lose their appetite.


See also: Overcoming Social Anxiety was HARD, but it changed my life…


  • “Public” speaking – In some homes, Grandma always says the prayer before the meal. In others, the act of saying grace or going around the table and sharing what you are thankful for is the norm. Speaking out loud can be hard enough if you have social anxiety, but being asked for a spontaneous prayer or to share what you are personally grateful for may initiate panic mode.
  • Socializing – As if the travel, preparation, eating and possibility of impromptu public speaking weren’t enough, the whole POINT of Thanksgiving (besides food and gratitude) is usually socializing with family and friends. While small gatherings of familiar people may be more comfortable, sometimes holiday gatherings mean new people, distant relatives, and large groups.


With all of these opportunities for stress, someone with social anxiety may just decide to skip Thanksgiving a la John Grisham’s book, “Skipping Christmas.” The characters in that book didn’t actually end up skipping Christmas, and you don’t need to skip Thanksgiving. There are ways to handle the stress and anxiety of the holiday:


  • If you plan to travel, try to travel with someone you trust. Let them encourage you during moments of anxiety. If you decide to travel alone, prepare well to reduce the unnecessarily stressful moments. Arrive early for your flight/bus/train. Find your gate. Try to spend some of your waiting time doing deep breathing and relaxing with a book or listening to music. As you travel, remind yourself that some anxiety is expected, and that you can just sit with the anxiety until it passes.
  • If you are hosting the celebration, do what you can before the actual day to reduce demands on you. Set the table the day before. Splurge and have your groceries delivered via an online service. Enlist help – make the main dish and have family and friends bring the sides, or order a Thanksgiving meal from a local grocery store or restaurant. If you have time, try to exercise that day, even if it’s a short walk or jog. This may reduce your stress by increasing your endorphins (happy brain chemicals) and giving you an extra boost for the day.


See also: Dr. Russ’ PyschCentral Interview about Online CBT for Social Anxiety


  • Do an “eating in front of people” trial run. Go out for coffee, or invite 1 or 2 close friends over for dinner. Challenge your anxious thoughts about eating in front of others. Chances are, people are so into their own food, they aren’t taking the time to focus on how you look/what you’re eating/if you are or aren’t contributing to the conversation.
  • If you are hosting, you can ask someone else in advance to say the before-meal prayer or lead other religious or non-religious traditions. If you are heading to grandma’s house, call her before to let her know that while you love her and love her food, you just don’t feel comfortable speaking in front of everyone. If you’re feeling brave, go for it. Practice out loud for your spouse. Read the script to yourself in the bathroom mirror. You may just surprise yourself. The “I will never be able to speak out loud in front of people,” may change to “ I can do it imperfectly in front of my close family and friends.”
  • The actual socializing may be the most anxiety provoking, but it doesn’t have to be. Most likely, these are people who know and love you. You can sometimes choose to be with a smaller group, or if you feel better on your turf, offer to host. If you find yourself at a large gathering and you have challenged thoughts for similar situations in the past, take time to review them before the event. Though you likely want to reconnect with relatives you see seldom see, it’s okay to spend plenty of time with your support people – spouse, children, parents or best friend. If you need a break from the chaos, find a place to do some breathing exercises, go for a short walk, or talk to someone you trust. If you’re keeping a journal, bring it with you and look back at previous entries.  See how you successfully handled group gatherings in the past. You can do it!


By changing your thoughts and behaviors, even in the smallest of ways, you can change your life.





Posted on: October 20th, 2014

Overcoming Social Anxiety was HARD, but it changed my life…

Heidi photo overcoming social anxietyHi fellow social anxiety fighters! I’m Heidi. I’m 24 and I live in Milwaukee. I’ve dealt with social anxiety my entire life. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel nervous about something. My anxiety has focused around food mostly; whether people were monitoring what I was eating, whether people would judge me for what I ordered, whether something would be too expensive, you get the idea. It was so bad that I even started to struggle eating at my own dinner table as a kid because it reminded me of the feeling of being in a restaurant and all the formality that goes with it.

I finally started seeking help for my anxiety my freshman year of college by seeing a counselor. It was really helpful, but mostly in sifting through family issues that had caused my anxiety. By the time college was over, I had successfully sorted through all of my baggage as to why my anxiety existed, but I somehow was missing the whole “what to do about it” part. That’s when I found out about the Learn to Live online social anxiety program. I heard about it through a friend, and I decided to give it a try. I was a little skeptical at first, especially considering my anxiety was so specific to eating in restaurants, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try!

I began the social anxiety program and finished it in under 3 months. I appreciated that I could go through the program at my own pace, especially since the fear-facing stuff was pretty hard. I felt like this was the first time someone was telling me practical things to do to actually deal with my anxiety in the moment besides “just breathe.” The program took me through my thinking process and showed me how to negate my automatic negative thoughts. The homework really helped, but I’m not going to lie, it was tough! No one wants to go into their most anxious places on purpose!! It was truly worth it though, as my life is totally different now that I’ve completed the Learn to Live program.

See also: Real Social Anxiety Stats from Social Anxiety Sufferers

Right after I finished the program, I met Jon, a guy who went to my college, and we really hit it off. In the past, I purposely avoided first dates because they would inevitably be in a restaurant, which I knew would just tank the relationship when he saw me freaking out. First dates were pretty much a worst-case scenario for my anxiety besides thinking of my wedding day (everyone staring at you while you eat? NO THANKS!). I figured it was worth a shot to go on a real date considering I had all of these new anxiety-fighting tools to try out. I was absolutely freaking out before he came to pick me up, and I literally had the Learn to Live resources and tools out to help me talk through my anxiety before the date. Once he got to my house, I started using the techniques in my head, and the anxiety started to disappear. The date was awesome, and I was so proud that I wanted to jump up and down (of course, that was probably not the best idea in the parking lot of a bar and grill with a guy I just met!). Jon and I continued dating, and we got engaged in January.

Jon-and-Heidi-Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Small Remember when I said worst-case scenario would be a first date or my wedding? I wasn’t lying. I thought of a million ways to try and avoid having a dinner in order to not subject myself to that caliber of anxiety. Alas, social norms always seem to win, and we decided a dinner would be best. I began to brace myself for this day of anxiety. Then I remembered that I still had the homework assignments from the Learn to Live program, so I took them out and started to review. We had a beautiful wedding day. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, until we got into our reception. It turned out that all of the table numbers were wrong, and the head table was in a place that I hadn’t expected: at the very end of the buffet line. That meant that every person who grabbed food would then stop directly in front of my new husband and me, chat about the food and take a good look at what I was eating… AKA my worst nightmare come true. Then other things started to go wrong, like the sound system was glitchy and my dinner music wasn’t working right, and the projector wasn’t working. I started to get really anxious. Really anxious. I took a deep breath, and I started to negate my automatic negative thoughts as they clouded my mind. Slowly but surely, the anxiety subsided. I ended up having a really great rest of my night. I’m so glad I didn’t let my anxiety ruin my wedding reception! I have taken back my island!!

So a new question came to my mind: Does this mean that I’m a failure and that I’ll have anxiety forever? Absolutely not. Anxiety is not going to define me. Will I have relapses when there are certain circumstances that are the perfect storm? Yeah, maybe. But it’s what I do with those circumstances that makes all the difference. If I wallow in how anxious I am, of course I’ll have anxiety forever. I’m giving it power in my life. But if I actively work to wear away at those thoughts as Dr. Russ and the social anxiety program taught me, they’re less likely to come to the surface, and if they do, I can get rid of them much more quickly.

See also: 5 Celebrities with Social Anxiety

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be anxiety free and eating in restaurants like everyone else, I would have laughed and thought you were making a cruel joke. I had nearly accepted that this was my lot in life, but it’s certainly not true. Take the Learn to Live social anxiety program seriously, and your life will change seriously. It did for me!

Best wishes, and keep fighting!!


Posted on: September 15th, 2014

The Importance of a Support Network for Social Anxiety Sufferers

By Dr. Russ Morfitt

The research on social anxiety overwhelmingly confirms the importance of a good support network. Friends and family are what most people think of, and they’re very important because they often provide the practical kind of emotional support that we often need to get back on our feet. But professionals and even strangers with first-hand experience of social anxiety are often more helpful at providing something researchers call informational support (advice, personal feedback, information, expert guidance). Our ability to rely on a solid social network directly relates to our ability to handle stress. The better our network, the better our ability to handle the stresses of life, and to benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

See also: Dr. Russ Morfitt’s PsychCentral Interview on Online Therapy for Social Anxiety

For that reason, I wanted to let you know about an important development at Learn to Live, that we believe will help many with expanding their social network.   We are launching our new Social Anxiety Community Forum, where people can go to connect with other sufferers who’ve “been there” and to get information to help them overcome their social anxiety. Our goal at Learn to Live has always been to provide the tools and resources to help people in their battle against social anxiety. One of those tools is a network of support that extends beyond what we offer through our Program and in our materials.

Learn to Live Social Anxiety Community Forum Launch  

We’ve created our Community Forum in order to foster the sorts of relationships that grow organically from one person helping another. We’ve integrated the forum into our website in order to facilitate its use for those going through our Program, but we’ve opened it to the public so that we can all benefit from the lessons learned by those who’ve experienced social anxiety. The forum is divided into three broad categories:

1) Social Anxiety Situations is a category in which people share their personal experience with social anxiety, the way it affects their work, their play, and their relationships.

2) Social Anxiety Tools is a place to discuss the different tools associated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. What works for them. What doesn’t. It’s where old members mentor new members on best practices around the various CBT tools. Got a question? Pose it. Got an answer? Share it.

3) My Progress is a broad category of  topics giving voice to the personal experiences of social anxiety sufferers. Need encouragement? Ask for it. Need to vent? You’re among friends. Got a recent success to share? You’ll find others to celebrate with you.

See also: Take a Free Test for Social Anxiety Online

Remember, this is your story. Your life story can get better and better, and a whole group of people who have “walked in your shoes” may be ready to help you on your way. So whether you’ve just figured out there’s a thing called social anxiety or you’ve been battling it for years, I hope you share your questions and your wisdom on the Community Forum. Let’s help each other.

Posted on: September 10th, 2014

Online Therapy for Anxiety – Dr. Russ’ PsychCentral Interview

By Dr. Russ Morfitt


Online Therapy for Social Anxiety ImageOne of the highlights of my work as a psychologist and mental health blogger is having the opportunity to reach new groups of people with accurate information that can help them improve the quality of their lives, including facts about social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mental health treatment, and more.  I’d like to share with you one such opportunity, my recent interview with PsychCentral blogger Tamara Hill, “Dr. Russell Morfitt Discusses Online Counseling for Anxiety.” Tamara is the creator of the PsychCentral blog “Caregivers, Family & Friends: Battling Untreated & Severe Mental Illness” and author of the book “Mental Health in A Failed American System.” The interview came as part of Tamara’s annual Personal Stories Week, which this year features articles from the talented group below, each of whom has been impacted by mental health problems in their own lives.  I highly recommend reading their blog posts and visiting their websites. Their stories are powerful and instructive.  Connecting with them on FB or Twitter also helps get their message out there.




Below is an excerpt from Personal Stories Week: Dr. Russell Morfitt Discusses Online Counseling for Anxiety


How would you feel if you could stay home, open your computer or laptop, and have a therapy session? What about if your therapist offered to speak with you over Skype or some other online platform? Would you feel like a fish out of water or would you very much like to try that experience? What about if your anxiety was so bad that you couldn’t leave your home? For many people suffering from agoraphobia (fear of open places/spaces), panic disorders (panic attacks), or generalized anxiety disorder (anxiety triggered by worry of multiple things), it’s like heaven on earth to do therapy at home in one’s pajamas.


This is one of the reasons why Dr. Russ Morfitt has decided to start his online therapeutic services titled Learn to Live. Dr. Morfitt’s team and I have communicated via Twitter and email quite a few times and most of his teams’ information is geared toward normalizing the experiencing of anxiety, making tools available to people who cannot see him face-to-face, and bringing awareness to the crippling components of anxiety using his website and social media platforms. [...]



Read the full interview with Dr. Russ Morfitt, which features information about living with and overcoming social anxiety and other mental health problems through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and especially internet-delivered CBT.


See also: Results of Our Social Anxiety Community Survey and How Exercise Impacts Mental Health


Posted on: September 8th, 2014

The Overlap between Social Anxiety & Depression

By Dr. Russ Morfitt

One of the challenges faced by individuals seeking treatment for mental health problems is that often times disorders like depression, social anxiety, and panic disorder don’t travel alone – it is not uncommon for a person to experience not just depression or social anxiety but a combination of the two.  In fact, people with social anxiety disorder have a 50% chance of having another anxiety problem or depression. This is what we call comorbidity, or an overlap.

Social anxiety and depression sometimes go hand-in-hand The good news is that psychological treatment for social anxiety – namely Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – has the benefit of addressing not only the primary diagnoses, but the comorbid conditions as well. The tools and fundamentals of CBT, including Thought Inspection, identifying Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS), Fear-Facing and others, teach sufferers to identify and change the problem thoughts and behavior patterns that perpetuate the anxiety. These techniques, which focus on behavior, have the potential to address underlying behavior and root causes of other, physical and mental health problems as well.

See also: Our new Social Anxiety Community Forum

Some of the most common comorbidities experienced by social anxiety sufferers include depression, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, conduct disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and the use of alcohol and illicit drugs to relieve symptoms.

This is something to keep in mind if you’re feeling overwhelmed by overlapping issues. The tools and fundamentals of CBT can be used to address a broad array of disorders by targeting those thoughts and behaviors at the root of them all.


Read the transcript of this video below:

Social anxiety involves making predictions for the future, predictions about the future, dreading things and then developing patterns of avoidance. And really that’s true for other anxiety problems as well – I dread something, I fear something about the future and then I develop behavioral patterns that keep me stuck.

Usually they’re about avoidance or escape, and so for that reason there is a great deal of comorbidity – that means overlap. If I have social anxiety disorder, I have a 50% chance of having another anxiety problem or depression. And depression is especially likely because when I have social anxiety disorder I’m tempted to avoid meeting new people and going out. And I avoid doing some other things that might give me meaningful significant relationships with other people and important experiences that I could have and enjoy. I start missing out on those experiences because of that avoidance. Then I’m at greater risk above becoming really depressed when I have some kind of setback happen in my life.

So, I’m not out there in the kind of environments that would give me positives, or that would help me bounce back from the setbacks and negative things that might happen to me. So I’m at greater risk of getting really quite depressed.

Posted on: August 7th, 2014

Social Anxiety Stats from Real Social Anxiety Sufferers

By Dr. Russ Morfitt
There is a wealth of good information about social anxiety on the internet, especially over at the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. That said, some of the most useful information about social anxiety is often shared between those individuals suffering from it day in and day out. Below is a series of questions that we’re asking social anxiety sufferers in our community as a way for them to share information about their own experience with social anxiety. Answer the questions and see where your experience fits in with the rest of our community – poll results will display when you click “vote.” Rest assured, your responses are completely confidential.

See also: The Effects of Exercise on Social Anxiety and Research on Social Anxiety and the Effectiveness of CBT.

Please click here to take the Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale assessment, then answer the following questions. Learn about additional Social Anxiety Tests, Scales & Inventories.


Posted on: July 23rd, 2014

The Effects of Exercise on Social Anxiety

By Dr. Russ Morfitt
ExerciseIt is a common practice when seeing new patients suffering from anxiety to ask them if they’re getting any exercise. We know that exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of both anxiety and depression, though we’re not exactly sure why that is. Some research suggests that increased levels of endorphins play a role, while other research points to the individual’s attribution of a quickened heartbeat (often a sign of anxiety) to physical exercise rather than some external stimuli. But new research out of Queens University in Canada suggests that exercise or progressive muscle relaxation can actually change the way we view the world, in particular our perception of threats.
See also: The Spotlight Effect: or why Barry Manilow is still relevant
In a recent study, researchers asked student participants to walk, stand, or jog on a treadmill for ten minutes and then fill out a perception form, including identifying the direction of a walking stick figure. Those who stood for ten minutes were more likely to identify the figure as walking toward them (considered more threatening), while those who exercised – even just walking – were more likely to see the figure as walking away from them (considered less threatening). The results were similar for participants who engaged in some form of progressive muscle relaxation, as well. Something about the exercise and relaxation exercises had changed the way the participants perceived the world, from more threatening to less. This, it turns out, reduced their anxiety. So while we may not entirely understand how exercise and relaxation exercises help to improve our mood, there is abundant evidence that it is indeed the case.
See also: More Celebrities with Social Anxiety

Posted on: June 23rd, 2014

More Celebrities with Social Anxiety

By Dr. Russ Morfitt

One of the most important things to hear when we suffer from something painful like social anxiety is “me too.” Just knowing that someone else can relate to our feelings and our experience is immensely reassuring. So it’s sometimes helpful to point to others in the public eye who have experienced social anxiety as well.  Our original list of celebrities suffering from social anxiety (including Donny Osmond and Jennifer Lawrence among others) was one of our most popular. So here’s a second short list of famous people who have known how tough social anxiety can really be, with some appearing to handle it more effectively than others:



Brian Wilson: the well-known scribe for the Beach Boys was famously depressed and highly anxious in the spotlight and in meeting others. He wrote a string of hit songs through the sixties and became the iconic image of the Beach Boys, one of the few American bands to rival the Beatles. Overcome by his misery in the midst of his success (and possibly suffering from some additional problems), he withdrew from the public eye into a world of psychotropic drugs and alcohol. But his career was reborn in the 90s when he was able to regain control of his life. A true tale of redemption. 

Marilyn Monroe: The famous blond actress and model suffered from anxiety and depression over her long career. She was known to be reserved and insecure in private while she strived to be one of the best in her profession. In that quest, she also longed for a certain freedom from publicity that, of course, the media and public were not quick to provide. She turned to medication and alcohol to deal with her anxiety and died from an alleged overdose in 1962. Another example of the intense pressure on celebrities to live their private lives in the public eye.
See also: 5 Ways to Fight Inaccurate Thinking in Social Anxiety

Ricky Williams: the 1999 Heisman Trophy winner and 5th selection in the NFL draft, Ricky Williams was known during his career as an eccentric person, mostly because nobody had identified that he suffered from social anxiety. He was often camera shy and occasionally gave interviews in his helmet with its tinted visor. But after seeing a therapist and getting clarity on what he was suffering from,  he claims he started to make his recovery; the diagnosis of social anxiety meant to him that he wasn’t crazy. With some cognitive behavioral therapy and medication he was able to regain control of his life again. William’s story is a reminder of the importance of giving a name to the things that cause us pain.



Johnny Depp: One of the most famous and talented actors in movies today is also someone who suffers from social anxiety. Johnny Depp has been able to manage his anxiety by employing a suite of relaxation techniques and a group of therapists who help him deal with his anxiety. Often times media outlets or the public refer to his introversion as a form of rudeness, but you can imagine how difficult it must be to excel at your craft when your profession is at odds with your emotional life. Depp is a testament to the power of the human will and to good therapy.
See also: Measuring Social Anxiety: Social Anxiety Tests, Scales, and Inventories

Daniel Tosh: Comedian and TV host Daniel Tosh gets asked a lot about how his social anxiety affects his acting. His answer is always the same: he creates a character in his mind that he adopts for his audience. His alter ego is whatever he chooses it to be, in his case loud, funny, and confident. Friends describe him as completely the opposite at home. For Tosh, creating a false persona in certain social situations may be what we sometimes call a safety behavior, which helps us to get by in the short term.
Like this information? Subscribe to our YouTube channel for videos about social anxiety or like us on Facebook to join the conversation about mental health.

Posted on: May 26th, 2014

5 Ways to Fight Inaccurate Thinking in Social Anxiety

By Dr. Russ Morfitt
JournalingMuch of social anxiety rests on negative thought patterns: Everybody is staring at me. Nobody thinks I’m funny. My boss thinks I’m stupid. These negative thoughts are typically provoked by a trigger of some kind: a sideways glance, distracted friends, a boss having a bad day. One of the most helpful ways to overcome social anxiety is to challenge these inaccurate thoughts, but that requires some active planning and some (more) accurate thinking. Here’s a quick list of ways you can work on overcoming your own negative thought patterns.


1) Aim for some perspective.

When things go wrong, try to avoid the tendency to blame yourself. There’s a lot in life that has little to do with you. Someone’s bad mood, a missing invitation, someone’s averted gaze – they most likely have nothing to do with you. Do the friend test: would you say what you’re thinking to a friend, blaming them? If not, try to find a more realistic description of the situation.


2) Accept that you are less than perfect.

Many of us are perfectionists who like to hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and then beat ourselves up when we fail to meet a single one of them. We’re made up of thousands of thoughts and actions. A single flaw on any one of them does not determine our success or failure as a human being.


See also: 5 Mistakes We Make When Battling Social Anxiety


3) Fake it ’til you make it.

It’s important to keep a balanced view of yourself. What do other people value about you? What are your strengths? Have you ever noticed how more peaceful people deal with challenges, even minor ones? Think about how you would react in the same situation. It may seem strange, but it’s actually helpful to try to adopt their optimism and persistence in the face of difficulty.


4) Keep a journal of your negative thoughts.

It often helps to write down your negative thoughts (and their triggers) in a journal as they occur and then to revisit them later when you’re in a calmer mood. This allows for some perspective as you consider the merit of the negative thought. Does the thought seem justified? Does the same thought come to mind or do you now see the experience differently? Your boss not looking at you may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her having a bad day. If there’s a chance that the thought has merit, can you identify some ways that you could cope?


5) Avoid exaggeration.

We often exaggerate in using words like “always” and “never” to describe our perspective of a situation. They rarely describe a situation accurately. Instead, try to use words like often, normally, many, etc. Even that small distinction can cause a huge shift in our thinking. And try not to exaggerate the importance of a single event. How important will your gaffe (if indeed it is one) be in a month, in a year, in five years?


See also: Measuring Social Anxiety: Social Anxiety Tests, Scales & Inventories



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